Chasing my lifelong dream…

I came across a story today that really, really touched my heart. Darcy Ward was born with nerve paralysis on the right side of her face. Nothing on that side of her face works for her. She’s 51 years old. Starting at an early age kids would tease and torment her to no end.

Darcy Ward
Darcy Ward
Darcy Ward
Darcy Ward at 3

I’ll let Darcy tell you her story….

Hi,

I was born with 7th facial nerve paralysis on the right side of my face. Nothing on that right side works.

I am a 51 year old woman who can’t  get comfortable in my own skin.

As a child, I was tormented and traumatized by other children and even adults. I would run home everyday from school to hide and cry. And it was everyday. I had such anxiety when Sunday night came, I knew I had to go to school the next day, and it was terrifying. Things they would say would hurt beyond my understanding at that age.  “Freak, retard, nobody likes you, nobody wants you here”. While all of this was going on, my parents were going through a divorce, and my brother was dying of cancer at 16, I was 11.

I am still very much hiding from life. If I go to a restaurant, I will always go to the dark booth in the back. Even at this age, some people are not kind.

As I went into junior high school, 7th grade, I thought it would help with kids being a little older and more understanding. It was even worse. I was set on fire in an art class, because a boy didn’t like my face, as luck would have it, my older sister was the teachers aide and she ran to the bathroom with me to put out my clothes, which were still on fire. I had a few minor burns. As in grade school, I was mocked, teased and told “your so ugly”, “go home retard”, “don’t look at me”, etc… I was all alone.

I didn’t finish high school, I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried to commit suicide. When that didn’t work, at 15, I found relief in cutting myself. Before anyone even new what cutting was. I didn’t know, I just knew I felt relief from it.

At the age of 18, my grandparents looked for a solution to help me. They found a micro surgeon in Portland, Or. I was so excited to have my surgeries, I couldn’t wait! I was going to be normal!! I was so naive. I looked so much worse. I had stitches in my laugh lines, all around my eye, on my leg, on my head. I had all these scars I wasn’t prepared for.  My right eye is much smaller than my other eye. They were attempting to get my eye to close all the way, it didn’t work.

I understand that was a long time ago, in 1983, and in the world of medicine things have changed drastically. New and amazing things can be done now.

I am married now, and my husband loves me the way I am.  We have modest a life, but we  don’t have any extra money.  I would give anything to have confidence in myself and to look more symmetrical and NORMAL. I am not looking for a miracle, I am very realistic.  But an improvement could change my life.

I have applied to the “Botched” & “Botched by nature” shows on E, with no response. So this is my last possibility  of getting my surgery done.

I have done the research and I have found a board certified reconstructive plastic surgeon, and he is willing to take me on. My surgeries would include, facial implants to even  and fill out my right cheek, I will need 2 of them, cost $5000,  reconstruction on my eye $2500, surgical center, $2500, Anesthesiologist $1500, I  will be able to stay with relatives in Ft. Lauderdale. That saves me the cost of flight and motel.  I am trying to raise this by the end of March.

I know  that this will give me the confidence and strength to finish school and come out of hiding.  And live the life I was meant too.  I am a  strong person, but this has always stopped me in my tracks. I have never asked for help before… can you please help me? I can not  express how grateful I would be. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Sincerely,
Darcy

I have more pictures in the updates.

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The part below where she wrote this is where I lost it.

“I am still very much hiding from life. If I go to a restaurant, I will always go to the dark booth in the back. Even at this age, some people are not kind.”

Some people are not kind…. Tell me about it!!!

Some guy set her on fire in the 7th grade???? Un-effing believable!!

$755 donated as of 1.19.17  Let’s revisit Darcy in 6 months and see what happens.

https://www.facebook.com/darcy.ward.564

 

L

Somewhere In New Mexico

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

something2.jpg

This post was composed under the magical influence of Starry Starry Night by Don McLean

 

 

When You Build Your Dream Then Call Me Home

A long time ago I had a dream. Back in the late 70’s. Everyday that dream would drive me mad. It inhabited my thoughts every day and every waking hour. My friends I never told. They were more of the ordinary kind. They were happy to work 8 hours a day and come home to hang around, drink beer, watch tv, get high and then wake up and do the whole thing again. Day after day after day. When I say friends I mean folks I met at work and friendships struck for whatever reason.

One of those was a guy we will call Mike. He was a cool guy but he loved his alcohol. We will call his girlfriend Cindy. Mike met Cindy while in LA. Mike had left the far east coast right after high school with his best buddy we will call Sam. All 3 rented a house in Reseda, CA in the late 70’s. Mike got a chance to become a machinist for a company in Burbank. He worked hard in his training. After a while he was hired on permanently with the aerospace company in Burbank. The same company at the same time that Lawrence Bittaker was working at.

Lawrence S. Bittaker
Lawrence S. Bittaker

 

lawrence bittaker victims

Jacqueline D Gilliam
Jacqueline D Gilliam

Bittaker was a real piece of work, read up on him if you are into true crime stories. His prison nickname is “Pliers”. A couple of months before Bittaker was arrested, wannabe Rhodesian soldier of fortune “Carlos” (a friend of mine that worked security at the plant) told me he came across Bittaker one day by the loading docks with a camera and a bag. Since no cameras were allowed he challenged Bittaker and took possession of the bag and camera. Inside the bag were some of the weirdest and sickest photos one could imagine. He probably should have reported the incident at the time but he told Bittaker to get that camera and crap off the property. A few months later serial killer Bittaker would be arrested by the Burbank police.


Anyhoos, back to the story. Mike worked hard and got raises. But he had a demon. He loved his beer. I don’t understand it since I don’t care for alcohol but Mike would plow through case after case after work.  Due to his drinking his girlfriend left him. The trio left the house in Reseda and went their separate ways. Mike found a small bungalow in Studio City and I saw him a few times over the years but it was still the same. Work 8 hours a day in a non-air conditioned building in Burbank in 105 degree heat and then come home and blast your mind out on alcohol. I felt sorry for him but there was little I could do, he made his choices in life. Work and drink, work and drink.

I found out a few years ago he passed out in his apartment bed in Nevada while smoking a cigarette. The bed caught fire, then the rest of the bedroom. Mike somehow arose from his inebriation and tried to leave the apartment. His body was found in the hallway. Smoke inhalation got him. The coroner said his BAC was .33.  And he was still working everyday at the time and drinking when he got off. He was divorced and lived alone. He left one daughter. His Pop was still alive back East. I spoke with his Pop a year or so after his death and let him know I knew him while he was out in Reseda. He was grateful for my call.

The thing is Mike just wanted to work 8 hours, go home, and drink and watch tv. He was like that when I first met him and he was like that in 2007 when he died. 48 years old. Man!!!! Only 48 years old!

Even though I was friends with Mike and Cindy for a few years I did not share their outlook on life. The work outlook. I wanted to do my own thing. I COULD NOT STAND working for someone else. I was forced to for a while so I could keep a roof over my head but going to work almost made me physically sick. So the whole time I knew them (about 4 years) Mike and Cindy were content to chew the cud but  I was going crazy working. I wanted out. So bad!! So bad it hurt. The politics of a job and the kinds of people you have to put up with just was not for me. I knew that deep inside. I was not cut out for a job.

I searched and searched for something, anything, that would let me walk into the main office and tell my boss that “I quit.” I fantasized about that every day. What it would be like. What I would be wearing, how I would hold myself, the look on my boss’s face, what he would say, etc…

I looked at the stats and I knew if I worked my entire life for someone else I would become another statistic buried somewhere just like the rest. I had no desire to become another statistic.

I think most people just don’t have that wild hair that it takes to go out on your own and pull yourself up by the bootstraps. I have been fortunate to meet other like-minded folks since I struck out on my own. The common thing is that they had a deep, burning desire to be their own captain. And the weird thing is that once they decided to do their own thing all told me the same thing. That weird things, people, places would start appearing in their lives that would help them on their way to their goals. Things that when you look back make the hair stand up on your neck. What are the odds of that happening you think to yourself.

At work I would imagine myself on a road trip on a 1981 Honda Goldwing Interstate. Driving past the place I used to work at and giving them a tip of the hat for all the BS I had to put up with that drove me to do my own thing. In my mind’s eye I would slow down and stop at the front gate, think about all the negativity that went on there, breathe a sigh of relief I was gone, kick it into 1st gear and roll on down the street to the I-5 on ramp for a much-needed, mind clearing trip to Key West.

And you know what? That image, that dream, that most consuming, all overpowering image did come true. It took a little bit longer than expected, but it did come true. I rolled up to the gate, did exactly the same thing I did in my dream, thought about all the BS I put up with there, all the hard times, all the times that I lived on $65 a week after expenses, all the times I cried myself to sleep at night because my dream hurt so bad and I knew it was so close, yet so far away, all the times I had to deal with ignorant, lazy, dumb people who thought they knew better than me what I should do. I thought back on all of that, smiled, kicked her into gear and set off for Key West.

Driving away and accelerating onto the I-5 on ramp I had this song playing full blast in my headphones with a big grin on my face and a tear running down my cheek. Dreams do come true.

 

And you know what? As I typed this post I had this very same song playing the whole time. It’s funny how things work out and how one song can change a life.

 

When You Build Your Dream Then Call Me Home

Honda Goldwing Interstate GL1100
Honda Goldwing Interstate GL1100

 

1980 Aspencade
1980 Aspencade

 

L

Somewhere In Montana

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

something2.jpg

This post was composed under the magical influence of Sara (Live July 1983) by Stevie Nicks

 

The Value Of Life Can Be Measured By How Many Times Your Soul Has Been Deeply Stirred.

Soul Has Been Deeply Stirred

From One Honda To Another – Somewhere Out In The Middle Of Montana

Well, I did it. Instead of continuing the journey this year on a Harley Ultra Limited I decided while in Needles, California (121 degrees!!)  to continue this year in a roadster. A very special roadster. A 2002 Honda S2000. Yah, an AP1 that revs to 9K. Oh yea!!  I was honestly looking for a Ultra Limited on my stopover in Needles and by chance ran across this one owner, babied S2000. I’ve owned many roadsters in my life, MG’s, Midgets, Spitfires, Vettes, Fiats, Kharmen Ghia’s, Wranglers but I have always had a soft spot for MGB’s. The late 60’s to mid 70’s MGBs. Whoa!!!!!  There are no words to describe them. Especially the MG Midget, that was just an insane car.

1975 MGB
1975 MGB

 

With roadster memories stirring in my head I motored on down to Temecula and picked up the S2000 for the 2016 journey.

Palm Springs Traffic Nightmare
Palm Springs Traffic Nightmare

The S2000 is a pretty rare car, the S2K forum estimates only about 40,000 of them are left in the USA. I can vouch for that. Since leaving Temecula I have seen just 3 of them on the road. I started playing a daily game while driving. Count the other S2000’s, count the other roadsters of any make and count the motorcycles. Roadsters are a rare breed I’ll tell ya! So many more motorcycles I see daily than roadsters. Some days I see no roadsters, some days one or two. The S2000’s are few and far between. While in Billings, Montana I saw this yellow one in a parking lot. The local Honda dealer said he knows of 3 S2000’s in the Billings area. Rare as a hen’s tooth!!!!

Yellow Honda S2000 Billings Montana

1930's Roadsters
1930’s Roadsters in Red Lodge, Montana

 

There’s something about a roadster (in much the same way as a motorcycle) that simply cannot be explained. In many ways it’s as if you are flying a biplane a few feet above the ground. An old Stearman or a Travelair.

 

Travel-Air-4000
Travel-Air-4000

 

Travel-Air-4000
Travel-Air-4000

 

I was watching a video about the head engineer that designed the S2000. He said it’s not a car, it’s an experience. I cannot agree more.

The Value Of Life Can Be Measured By How Many Times Your Soul Has Been Deeply Stirred.

I love this quote. How many times in your life has your soul been deeply stirred? I mean DEEP! Beyond words deep. Can’t explain it deep. Words pale deep. The Place Where There Are No Words deep.

A long time ago when I was going through a lot of challenges in my life and my business I met by chance a most interesting character after my vehicle broke down. He gave me a ride to a gas station and on the way somehow the conversation got around to what we do for a living. He mentioned to me a few years before he was homeless living in a van near Malibu, California. But even though he lived in his van he had a burning desire inside, he wanted to create a new product in the hair care field. That’s all he ever thought about he said. Even as he lived on pork and beans in his van. Flash forward a few years, this homeless man was sitting next to me driving a Mercedes. He said it was rough but he never ever gave up. One day he said he met someone who believed in him and offered him the opportunity to develop his idea. Even though he was homeless he was schooled as a chemist. Funny eh? A fully trained chemist living the homeless life in Malibu. He said all it took was one good idea and his life took off. His products were picked up by salons all over the US and Europe. He became a multi-millionaire within a few years from the hair care products and bumped into me on Sunset Blvd in Pacific Palisades. I still remember his story to this day and wonder where he is now. He was definitely stirred by something. A deep, all-consuming burning desire. It drove him, it consumed him, he thought about it all the time and one day, in ways he could never imagine, his dream came true.

Illusions-Richard Bach
Illusions-Richard Bach
2015 Harley-Davidson Ultra Limited
2015 Harley-Davidson Ultra Limited – Coming in 2017??

 

L

Somewhere In Montana

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

something2.jpg

This post was composed under the magical influence of One – ZooTV Live In Sydney by U2