I’d Rather Be Stabbed In My Heart By An Enemy Than In My Back By A So Called “Friend”

friends-that-backstab
 

You know, this blog is rather a diary of sorts. No one reads it except for a few. No one lives the way I do except for a very few. I don’t get zillions of page views a day. So what I say here is mainly for myself. A way to record my thoughts and look back in a few years and see where I was and where I have gone. That said I wanted to vent a little. I’m going to conduct an experiment. Six months from now I am going to reread this post and I will bet you I will be laughing at what happened 2 months ago. I have always said no matter what bad thing or things happen to you, in six months you will be laughing about it. You see, I have a very bad problem. I trust people. I look for the good in people. That’s my downfall. Probably along with being the laziest person on this rock I am one of the most trusting. To an extent. I guess I am a bit out of the ordinary, or perhaps a lot out of the ordinary. I don’t take orders too well. I don’t put up with BS. I don’t compromise and I don’t steal and rip off folks. I don’t shove knives in people’s backs, twist it and toss them overboard halfway to Hawaii. Those that do I try to stay away from as far as possible. I try. But then sometimes every once in a while a faker gets through my radar. A little voice inside me that speaks to me without words tries to warn me but I don’t heed it or sort of ignore it.

Well, about five years ago I met a person that was rather down on his luck. Let’s call this person George. George had a family and wasn’t doing all that well. I remember one night he asked me for $10 so he could buy a chicken dinner at the grocery store for his son. He didn’t even have $10 to buy food. He had sunk that low. Over the next few months we bantered back and forth about new business ideas. We came up with a new business idea and because he was not technically inclined nor did he speak English very well it was up to moi to start things up and get things up to speed. It was a lot of work on my part. I set up everything. I researched everything. I implemented everything. George offered advice from time to time but it was rather like a 10-year-old offering advice to a pilot flying a Learjet.

From the beginning we split the profit. We ran this business on a handshake. (My first mistake) It took quite a while to become profitable but after a year or so the profits started building. I was still doing all the work, more or less from 6am to 6pm while George hung out at his home. According to George he couldn’t really deal with customers due to his poor command of English and could not handle the technical details because he did not know how to set up the technical part of the business.

Over time the business grew and that’s actually what allowed moi to go on this road trip back in February 2015. Once the business took off and was placed on autopilot I could run the business from my trusty laptop.

Over the last year and a half I noticed George was spending more and more of his profits while I was banking most of mine. It got to the point a year ago that he started spending my profits. I called him on it and he said don’t worry, it’s temporary. Each month he would spend his share and more and more of mine. But he kept saying don’t worry, don’t be paranoid, it was just temporary. A year ago he had reached the point where he had spent a mid 5 figure amount of my share of the profits. I called him on it then and for a few months he spent a tad less per month but at that rate it would take 3 years or more to pay me back. Whatever. That silent voice in my head goes off again and I don’t listen, well I started listening a little better but I was not that concerned too much. This summer (2016) I started getting really bad vibes about the situation. That silent voice again. This time I listened. I told George if he cannot pay me back then it would be best to split the business and he could do whatever he wanted with his half and he could spend whatever he wanted with his half and I would be free to run my half as I see fit. At this point George realized I wanted to dissolve our handshake partnership. Well, over the next couple months he was harder to reach and his spending habits were as high or higher than ever. The silent voice in my head was speaking to me more and more. I was getting really bad vibes but once again George said not to worry. Can you guess what is about to happen?

About two months ago early one morning I get a skype message from our team leader saying he cannot login to any of our accounts. That’s weird I thought. I try myself and I cannot get into any of our accounts. I called one of the accounts up and they told me the admin password had been changed by the “owner”. There’s nothing they can do. I tried calling George, no answer. I must have called him over 100 times that day, no answer. In hindsight I sorta figured things were heading downhill about 2 months before the lockout when he actually hung up the phone on me when I was talking to him. I took measures then to try to protect myself by backing up all our business data. But still I had no idea what was ahead.

Turns out about 2 days later after the lockout he texted me a phone number to call. He never picked up his phone to speak with me but he did finally text some number to call. Guess whose number? It was his lawyer. Can you believe it? George locked me out of all our business accounts and now he was going to steal my half of our business and steal my monthly share of the profits. And he did. According to George and his lawyer it is now his business because George’s wife’s name was on most of the business startup documents due to tax reasons. (My second big mistake)  So now technically it was George’s business even though I did 99.9% of all the work over the last five years and I set up 100% of the business myself due to George’s poor language skills and poor technical skills.

After this happened I had the opportunity to speak to many people in George’s past that all had a similar tale. He was a MF that ripped them off too. The largest amount was for over 100K yet George drove a beat up ten-year old car. Kinda makes you wonder what he did with all the money. A ton of people came forward and gave me the real 411 on George.

Backstabbers
George thinks he is a king now, he’s now got my monthly share of our profits and he now has my half of the business valued in the mid seven figures.

Thankfully I took action in mid 2016 to somewhat protect myself. It could have been a lot worse. But still, this guy that I loaned $10 to buy a chicken dinner for his son 5 years ago comes full circle 5 years later and shoves a knife in my back, twists it and tosses me overboard halfway to Hawaii and sails off in our boat while laughing at me how stupid I was.

Well George, we will see who has the last laugh. In six months I will return and post an update on this story and like I have always said I am sure I will be laughing at the situation. To be honest I’m still in shock as I write this but time heals all wounds. I know the business like the back of my hand. It will take time to start it again from the beginning but if that is what I have to do I will do it.

There is so much more to this story, what I wrote is rather the tip of the iceberg. What I learned is you have to listen to that little voice in your head that speaks to you in the language without words. Call it whatever you want to call it. Things could have been a whole lot worse that day he locked me out but I had been preparing for something like this. The final straw was when he hung up on me about 2 months before he locked me out of all our business accounts. Hey! at least he knows how to login to accounts and change admin passwords.

So, in six months I will be back with an update on this story. Will I be laughing? I think so. I don’t think George ever read The Count Of Monte Christo.

Let’s meet up around May 31st 2017 and see.

 

 

 

count-of-monte-cristo
 

why I am a loner
 

L

Somewhere In New Mexico

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

something2.jpg

This post was composed under the magical influence of Peaceful Easy Feeling by The Eagles

 

 

 

When You Build Your Dream Then Call Me Home

A long time ago I had a dream. Back in the late 70’s. Everyday that dream would drive me mad. It inhabited my thoughts every day and every waking hour. My friends I never told. They were more of the ordinary kind. They were happy to work 8 hours a day and come home to hang around, drink beer, watch tv, get high and then wake up and do the whole thing again. Day after day after day. When I say friends I mean folks I met at work and friendships struck for whatever reason.

One of those was a guy we will call Mike. He was a cool guy but he loved his alcohol. We will call his girlfriend Cindy. Mike met Cindy while in LA. Mike had left the far east coast right after high school with his best buddy we will call Sam. All 3 rented a house in Reseda, CA in the late 70’s. Mike got a chance to become a machinist for a company in Burbank. He worked hard in his training. After a while he was hired on permanently with the aerospace company in Burbank. The same company at the same time that Lawrence Bittaker was working at.

Lawrence S. Bittaker
Lawrence S. Bittaker

 

lawrence bittaker victims

Jacqueline D Gilliam
Jacqueline D Gilliam

Bittaker was a real piece of work, read up on him if you are into true crime stories. His prison nickname is “Pliers”. A couple of months before Bittaker was arrested, wannabe Rhodesian soldier of fortune “Carlos” (a friend of mine that worked security at the plant) told me he came across Bittaker one day by the loading docks with a camera and a bag. Since no cameras were allowed he challenged Bittaker and took possession of the bag and camera. Inside the bag were some of the weirdest and sickest photos one could imagine. He probably should have reported the incident at the time but he told Bittaker to get that camera and crap off the property. A few months later serial killer Bittaker would be arrested by the Burbank police.


Anyhoos, back to the story. Mike worked hard and got raises. But he had a demon. He loved his beer. I don’t understand it since I don’t care for alcohol but Mike would plow through case after case after work.  Due to his drinking his girlfriend left him. The trio left the house in Reseda and went their separate ways. Mike found a small bungalow in Studio City and I saw him a few times over the years but it was still the same. Work 8 hours a day in a non-air conditioned building in Burbank in 105 degree heat and then come home and blast your mind out on alcohol. I felt sorry for him but there was little I could do, he made his choices in life. Work and drink, work and drink.

I found out a few years ago he passed out in his apartment bed in Nevada while smoking a cigarette. The bed caught fire, then the rest of the bedroom. Mike somehow arose from his inebriation and tried to leave the apartment. His body was found in the hallway. Smoke inhalation got him. The coroner said his BAC was .33.  And he was still working everyday at the time and drinking when he got off. He was divorced and lived alone. He left one daughter. His Pop was still alive back East. I spoke with his Pop a year or so after his death and let him know I knew him while he was out in Reseda. He was grateful for my call.

The thing is Mike just wanted to work 8 hours, go home, and drink and watch tv. He was like that when I first met him and he was like that in 2007 when he died. 48 years old. Man!!!! Only 48 years old!

Even though I was friends with Mike and Cindy for a few years I did not share their outlook on life. The work outlook. I wanted to do my own thing. I COULD NOT STAND working for someone else. I was forced to for a while so I could keep a roof over my head but going to work almost made me physically sick. So the whole time I knew them (about 4 years) Mike and Cindy were content to chew the cud but  I was going crazy working. I wanted out. So bad!! So bad it hurt. The politics of a job and the kinds of people you have to put up with just was not for me. I knew that deep inside. I was not cut out for a job.

I searched and searched for something, anything, that would let me walk into the main office and tell my boss that “I quit.” I fantasized about that every day. What it would be like. What I would be wearing, how I would hold myself, the look on my boss’s face, what he would say, etc…

I looked at the stats and I knew if I worked my entire life for someone else I would become another statistic buried somewhere just like the rest. I had no desire to become another statistic.

I think most people just don’t have that wild hair that it takes to go out on your own and pull yourself up by the bootstraps. I have been fortunate to meet other like-minded folks since I struck out on my own. The common thing is that they had a deep, burning desire to be their own captain. And the weird thing is that once they decided to do their own thing all told me the same thing. That weird things, people, places would start appearing in their lives that would help them on their way to their goals. Things that when you look back make the hair stand up on your neck. What are the odds of that happening you think to yourself.

At work I would imagine myself on a road trip on a 1981 Honda Goldwing Interstate. Driving past the place I used to work at and giving them a tip of the hat for all the BS I had to put up with that drove me to do my own thing. In my mind’s eye I would slow down and stop at the front gate, think about all the negativity that went on there, breathe a sigh of relief I was gone, kick it into 1st gear and roll on down the street to the I-5 on ramp for a much-needed, mind clearing trip to Key West.

And you know what? That image, that dream, that most consuming, all overpowering image did come true. It took a little bit longer than expected, but it did come true. I rolled up to the gate, did exactly the same thing I did in my dream, thought about all the BS I put up with there, all the hard times, all the times that I lived on $65 a week after expenses, all the times I cried myself to sleep at night because my dream hurt so bad and I knew it was so close, yet so far away, all the times I had to deal with ignorant, lazy, dumb people who thought they knew better than me what I should do. I thought back on all of that, smiled, kicked her into gear and set off for Key West.

Driving away and accelerating onto the I-5 on ramp I had this song playing full blast in my headphones with a big grin on my face and a tear running down my cheek. Dreams do come true.

 

And you know what? As I typed this post I had this very same song playing the whole time. It’s funny how things work out and how one song can change a life.

 

When You Build Your Dream Then Call Me Home

Honda Goldwing Interstate GL1100
Honda Goldwing Interstate GL1100

 

1980 Aspencade
1980 Aspencade

 

L

Somewhere In Montana

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

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This post was composed under the magical influence of Sara (Live July 1983) by Stevie Nicks

 

The Value Of Life Can Be Measured By How Many Times Your Soul Has Been Deeply Stirred.

Soul Has Been Deeply Stirred

From One Honda To Another – Somewhere Out In The Middle Of Montana

Well, I did it. Instead of continuing the journey this year on a Harley Ultra Limited I decided while in Needles, California (121 degrees!!)  to continue this year in a roadster. A very special roadster. A 2002 Honda S2000. Yah, an AP1 that revs to 9K. Oh yea!!  I was honestly looking for a Ultra Limited on my stopover in Needles and by chance ran across this one owner, babied S2000. I’ve owned many roadsters in my life, MG’s, Midgets, Spitfires, Vettes, Fiats, Kharmen Ghia’s, Wranglers but I have always had a soft spot for MGB’s. The late 60’s to mid 70’s MGBs. Whoa!!!!!  There are no words to describe them. Especially the MG Midget, that was just an insane car.

1975 MGB
1975 MGB

 

With roadster memories stirring in my head I motored on down to Temecula and picked up the S2000 for the 2016 journey.

Palm Springs Traffic Nightmare
Palm Springs Traffic Nightmare

The S2000 is a pretty rare car, the S2K forum estimates only about 40,000 of them are left in the USA. I can vouch for that. Since leaving Temecula I have seen just 3 of them on the road. I started playing a daily game while driving. Count the other S2000’s, count the other roadsters of any make and count the motorcycles. Roadsters are a rare breed I’ll tell ya! So many more motorcycles I see daily than roadsters. Some days I see no roadsters, some days one or two. The S2000’s are few and far between. While in Billings, Montana I saw this yellow one in a parking lot. The local Honda dealer said he knows of 3 S2000’s in the Billings area. Rare as a hen’s tooth!!!!

Yellow Honda S2000 Billings Montana

1930's Roadsters
1930’s Roadsters in Red Lodge, Montana

 

There’s something about a roadster (in much the same way as a motorcycle) that simply cannot be explained. In many ways it’s as if you are flying a biplane a few feet above the ground. An old Stearman or a Travelair.

 

Travel-Air-4000
Travel-Air-4000

 

Travel-Air-4000
Travel-Air-4000

 

I was watching a video about the head engineer that designed the S2000. He said it’s not a car, it’s an experience. I cannot agree more.

The Value Of Life Can Be Measured By How Many Times Your Soul Has Been Deeply Stirred.

I love this quote. How many times in your life has your soul been deeply stirred? I mean DEEP! Beyond words deep. Can’t explain it deep. Words pale deep. The Place Where There Are No Words deep.

A long time ago when I was going through a lot of challenges in my life and my business I met by chance a most interesting character after my vehicle broke down. He gave me a ride to a gas station and on the way somehow the conversation got around to what we do for a living. He mentioned to me a few years before he was homeless living in a van near Malibu, California. But even though he lived in his van he had a burning desire inside, he wanted to create a new product in the hair care field. That’s all he ever thought about he said. Even as he lived on pork and beans in his van. Flash forward a few years, this homeless man was sitting next to me driving a Mercedes. He said it was rough but he never ever gave up. One day he said he met someone who believed in him and offered him the opportunity to develop his idea. Even though he was homeless he was schooled as a chemist. Funny eh? A fully trained chemist living the homeless life in Malibu. He said all it took was one good idea and his life took off. His products were picked up by salons all over the US and Europe. He became a multi-millionaire within a few years from the hair care products and bumped into me on Sunset Blvd in Pacific Palisades. I still remember his story to this day and wonder where he is now. He was definitely stirred by something. A deep, all-consuming burning desire. It drove him, it consumed him, he thought about it all the time and one day, in ways he could never imagine, his dream came true.

Illusions-Richard Bach
Illusions-Richard Bach
2015 Harley-Davidson Ultra Limited
2015 Harley-Davidson Ultra Limited – Coming in 2017??

 

L

Somewhere In Montana

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

something2.jpg

This post was composed under the magical influence of One – ZooTV Live In Sydney by U2

The Creator Stands On His Own Judgement, The Parasite Follows The Opinions Of Others

The Fountainhead Howard Roark courtroom scene with Gary Cooper

You know something? I am a very stubborn person. Probably the most stubborn person in the world. I cannot handle someone telling me what to do or trying to impose their “plans” on me. I am a polite person up to a point, go past that point and I will tell you to take a hike. So many people in my life have thought they know best what is right for me. I have a message for you. You don’t and never will.

I never try to impose my will on anyone else. I don’t try and shove things down their throat. I don’t tell other people how they should live their life and what I expect of them. I don’t expect anything from anyone. And I am perfectly content. What gets me is some “authority figure” or someone else who somehow thinks it is their destiny in life to force others to do their will.  Force others to make a choice between 2 bad alternatives. No thanks, that’s not my bag baby! Nod to Austin Powers.

What is it about some people that have this driving desire to tell others how they should behave or how THEY WILL behave. I call them the controllers. There are 2 kinds of people. The ones that want to control others and the ones that DO NOT want to be controlled. Can you guess what side of the fence Little Laurie falls on?

I had teachers in elementary school mark on my report card a big fat F because I did not play well with others. I remember one teacher (Mrs. Berong) in my 4th grade class that scolded me saying I was never going to amount to anything in my life. My own mother told me the same thing when I was 15. I can still hear the words in my mind and can still see her in our den screaming those words. I just bit my tongue and went about my business. I knew what I wanted to do with my life and it was diametrically opposed to her wishes and desires. We could not be further apart in our personalities. I more or less divorced my parents when I was 18, raised my wings and flew away. I guess I could say I more or less divorced my mother when I was 18. I still kept in touch with my father who pretty much understood me but my mother was another story.

Now most of you out there have great relations with your parents but there are a few of us believe it or not that had to divorce their parents for one reason or another. My mother wanted me to go one way and I wanted to go another. We fought about it all the time. And I am a very, very peaceful person. My ideal morning is sipping a cup of coffee on the porch of a cabin deep in the woods next to a large, tranquil lake. The lake is so still and quiet. Not a single ripple on it’s glass smooth surface. That’s me. The most stubborn person in the world and the most peaceful and quiet.

Why people choose drama is beyond me. On a drama scale of 1-100 with 100 being the worst sort of dramatic life that is possible I try to stay in the 1-3 range. I’ll put this song on my headphones and just stare out over the pristine lake sipping my coffee.

Beethoven: Piano Sonata no 8 ‘Pathetique’ 2nd movement

Watch the video above. In it Gary Cooper enumerates pretty much everything I stand for. If someone else starts to tell me what I “should” do or what I “have to do” or what I “better do” then the gloves come off. For the most part I will ignore that sort of stuff and if I cannot ignore it I will walk. Life is too short to deal with that BS and those sort of people. No thanks.

 

L

Somewhere In Arizona

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

something2.jpg

This post was composed under the magical influence of Shooting Star by Bad Company

 

Thoughts From Payson Arizona

Well I’m here in Payson Arizona after a few days in Deming and about 3 weeks in Safford Arizona. Safford is a unique city. It was featured in that movie Lost In America about the couple losing their life savings in Vegas and ending up in Safford looking for minimum wage jobs. I saw that movie earlier in the month and knew I had to visit. All I can say is that movie is pretty faithful to what Safford is really like. It’s a laid back city that has its challenges. The characters I met during my stay were let’s say “unique”.

After holing up there I hit the road north to Globe and along 188 to Payson. 188 out of Globe is a fantastic ride! Saw lot’s of other bikers heading south to Globe. On the way to Payson you pass by Roosevelt Lake. WOW!!! Now that was a ride. It was good to get out of the heat and head for higher elevation.

Globe Arizona
Globe Arizona HD 2011 CVO Ultra

After meeting a couple folks riding HD Ultra’s I have been seriously thinking of upgrading my ride for the next year. A fellow biker in Roswell was kind enough to let me ride his Ultra. Talk about getting hooked! My trusty ST1100 steed has been 100% trouble free the last 14 months but I think I want to experience the Ultra for the next 12 months or so. I have owned so many bikes since I was a kid. I love my 1997 HD Dyna WideGlide to death and could never part with her but I think in 2016 and 2017 I am going to continue on an Ultra. The owner of the CVO in Globe said to be sure get a CVO Ultra. He said it was no comparison with the 103 Ultra. NO COMPARISON! Well, we’ll see. I have been keeping my eyes peeled for a 2014 or 2015 Ultra with low miles and in great shape. Saw a couple CVO’s too in that range. The Globe CVO rider said don’t hesitate for a second to spend the extra bucks for a CVO. You will never regret it he said. Well…we’ll see.

Roswell New Mexico 2014 HD Ultra
Roswell New Mexico 2014 HD Ultra

 

The Marshall Tucker Band – Can’t You See

 

L

Somewhere In Payson Arizona

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

something2.jpg

This post was composed under the magical influence of Can’t You See by The Marshall Tucker Band

I Can’t Get This Laurie Out Of My Head

Arizona Border
Arizona Border

As I mentioned in a previous post I used to have another blog, Laurie-The-Traveler, that I lost due to credit card billing issues. Hostgator said they could not bring it back from the dead but I did find it on wayback. They had archived most of it. The following is a post I made on April 3rd, 2008. It’s all about a girl named Laurie Boncimino. I spent a long time reading about Laurie on her mom’s blog. Her story really affected me deeply. I still think about her all the time and wonder what went wrong. Her mom said in one of her posts that Laurie wrote a few dark posts in her diary and that those posts will always remain private. I’ve always wondered what those posts were talking about. On the surface she seemed so happy. But inside she was tormented by something. Here is the post I wrote a few years back.

===============================

April 3rd, 2008 at 02:07am

Over the last 4-5 days I have been in a gigantic nostalgic mood. (actually it’s called a saudade mood but there are no words in the English language to describe saudade. Google saudade and read up.) Sometimes it just happens. Flood after flood of old memories assault me. Both good and bad, pleasant and unpleasant. Is this what happens when you grow older? After I watched Cinema Paradiso over the weekend I was reflecting on why so many take so much for granted. No one fully appreciates anything until it is gone. With that in mind I want to introduce you to someone you don’t know. She has the same name as little ol me. Laurie. Laurie Boncimino.

Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino

Laurie was born right around the same time when I first started working for myself. She was wearing diapers when I was making my first few independent dollars. She was learning to ride a bike when I first started to get heavy into computers. She was 10 years old when I made my frst sale on the internet. She was 11 when I spent the summer in Russia. She was 13 when I started to sell on Ebay. She was 16 when I spent the winter in Nepal. She was 19 when I spent the summer in Egypt. She was almost 21 when I was in England. When I was in Chicago in 2002 I probably passed within half a mile of her yet we never met. Why you ask. You see, I never even knew about Laurie until this weekend. I don’t even remember how the links took me to her website Laurie Boncimino but I ended up there and read all about Laurie and I read her mother’s blog Barb K that speaks of the last 3 years.

You see, Laurie took her own life 3 years ago. March 2, 2005. At a spot I was visiting 3 years previous almost to the day. There’s just something about this story that hit me hard. Real hard. Her mom has posted many pics of Laurie. Here’s one.

Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino

And another.

Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino

What could have driven Laurie to take her own life? This is the part that kills me. By all accounts she was happy, in college, engaged, employed. Her mother spoke of some journals they received later from the police that were in her car when it was impounded. Her mom said there were some pages written 3 weeks before to her fiancee and there were a few “darker” pages that Laurie wrote later that evidently went on to explain a little what she was feeling.

“…she is sorry, she is sorry, the pain, no way out, her pride, “I can not handle the stresses of this world…its not made for me.”

Quote from Laurie’s mother: “She left the house that day, saying, “Mom, have a great day. See you tonight. I love you.” Did she have her plan in mind then? It does not seem likely to me. What broke her spirit and her mind? Will I ever have all the pieces? Probably not…”

She had studied the last 3 days for a test she was having later that day. She met with her fiance that morning for coffee around 9am. She left a little later for school and her fiance got a text message in the afternoon around 3pm that she was studying for the 6pm exam. She never showed up for the exam. Her mother knew something was definitely wrong when she did not show up at 5am to open the Starbucks she managed.

2 days later police discovered her Jeep near the Art Institute. They discovered her jacket and cellphone behind Adler Planetarium later Friday. On Saturday they recovered her body from the lake not too far away from where her jacket and cellphone were found. It was 27 degrees that day. The water temperature was 33 degrees. Life expectancy in the freezing water was about 15-30 minutes. In her notes Laurie wrote she waited until dark.

Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino

In my mind I go back to when I was there. I remember how freezing cold and windy it was. I try to imagine what it was like that evening as the sun set. More than likely in that secluded area behind the planetarium Laurie was all alone with her thoughts. Sunset that day was at 5:41pm. By 6:30pm all remaining sunlight would have been gone. Darkness and a starry sky above were left. I am left with the thoughts how long did Laurie sit there before making that fateful decision.

Wings Of Desire

Did you ever see Wings Of Desire? In that movie there were two angels that spent their days listening to the thoughts of humans. Sometimes the humans could sense their presence when they were close by. I remember one scene when Cassiel came upon a woman contemplating suicide. She was so lonely and had no one to speak to. Cassiel leaned so close to her cheek while listening to her distressed thoughts. It was such a heart breaking scene.

Along those same lines I wish I could have been behind the planetarium that evening listening to Laurie’s thoughts. Oh how I wish I could have. For 30 minutes to be able to do what Cassiel could. To be able to feel what Laurie felt that dark evening. To be cheek to cheek with her listening to her thoughts as she senses another presence. She looks around and sees nothing. She is aware of something but dismisses it as her imagination. Laurie stands up, removes her jacket and walks to the water’s edge. It is at this point with Laurie standing there looking down at the water, tensing her muscles to jump, that I am allowed to become physical for a moment and call out her name “Laurie”. She freezes for a moment, turns around and asks who’s there. She’s puzzled because for the last few hours she has been alone at this spot. Now someone called her name. Someone close by knew who she was. But that’s impossible, there was no one there a moment ago. Hearing her thoughts I tell her “Yes Laurie, it is possible”.

Midnight, on the water
I saw the oceans daughter
Walking on a wave she came
Staring as she called my name.

Her eyes adjust and she can now see me. She says she doesn’t know me and asks who I am. I tell her I know her name is Laurie Boncimino and I also know why she has spent the last 7 hours down here. I tell her I also know what she was planning on doing 30 seconds ago. “WHO ARE YOU??”  I walk up to her, look into her eyes, hold my hand to her cheek and let my memories pass into her. In 15 seconds she sees who I am and she sees what would have taken place over the next week and over the next 50 years if she had jumped. A lifetime flashes by in seconds. Laurie experiences in 30 seconds what takes most people 50 years to experience. This can’t be real she says, this is some sort of trick, some sort of dream. Yes, that’s it, I’m dreaming all this. You are not real and I will wake up all alone like I was all afternoon. Once again I hold my hand to her cheek and Laurie sees what I see. “Then that means you…are……an……….”

Yes, Laurie, you are correct. I am. But when you go back no one will believe you. They will believe you were under too much stress and saw what you wanted to see. For even now if someone came by all they would see is a young woman standing alone in the dark talking to herself. You can see and hear me because for 30 minutes I was given an opportunity to make you understand what a difference you will make on the lives of people over the next 50 years. To make you understand there are forces of good hard at work in this world but it’s not always easy to see. To let you see for yourself there are other forces at work that do care very deeply about you and your pain. Forces that are so far beyond the physical that it takes something beyond words for you to see it.

When I pressed my hand to your cheek you looked through my eyes. What you saw for the briefest of moments is what I see everyday. You were allowed that vision because of where you were with your life and because you were seconds away from ending it. Not everyone is given that gift. It’s sad but very few are. You were. For the briefest of moments you glanced into the future and saw what you will become. After tonight you will never see me again but you will feel my presence for the rest of your life. When you return, if you decide to relate this story, it will be called a dream or hallucination by the well-meaning, things much worse by those with thorns in their paws. You know what you experienced and nothing will ever change that.

My time is short now Laurie. I just want you to know I heard all your thoughts this afternoon. When you walked under the large oak tree near the parking lot and felt something breeze by you that was me. I’ve heard all your cries and thoughts. I was so close to you I wanted to reach out and hold you close in my arms. But I couldn’t. That’s not the way it works. Normally. I was given special permission tonight to become visible to you and show you that you do matter and there is help available when you need it most. All you have to do is ask. Just ask Laurie. Good bye for now. Remember Laurie, Just Ask.

Laurie and Josiah
Laurie and Josiah
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino – I love this photo!
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino
Laurie Boncimino Memoriam
Laurie Boncimino Memoriam
Laurie Boncimino 23rd Birthday
Laurie Boncimino 23rd Birthday
Laurie Boncimino Memorial
Laurie Boncimino Memorial
Laurie Boncimino - Thinking Of You
Laurie Boncimino – Thinking Of You
Remembering Laurie Boncimino
Remembering Laurie Boncimino

L

Somewhere In Arizona

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

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This post was composed under the magical influence of Can’t Get It Out Of My Head by ELO

Do You Know What Saudade Means?

Near White Sands, NM
Near White Sands, NM

 

Sometimes when I am riding I start to be overwhelmed by a feeling of saudade. Now this is a word most are not familiar with. It’s rather difficult to explain. It’s a Portuguese word. It’s not nostalgia, it’s not sadness, it’s not longing, it’s not missing something, it’s not sorrow, it’s not a rememberance of days past, it’s not pain, it’s not pleasure, rather it is a mixture of all of the above and then some. There really is no word in English to describe it. One person put it as a pleasure that is lost, a pain that is welcome. Memories flood my mind when I am on the road. Even while I am doing 75 mph instantly in my mind I am transported back to some distant place that is so real and vivid it’s like I am actually there. I guess I have the world’s most vivid imagination and perhaps the world’s most vivid memories. I can close my eyes and I am there! Some call it a waking dream. Instantly I am taken back to someplace in the past and for a few moments I can relive it as if it’s happening right now. Little details jump out at me, things I have not remembered in years. Yet, for a few moments it’s as if I stepped into a time machine and was transported back to relive a certain moment in time. Sorta like my own personal time travel machine.

Highway hypnosis, you know how sometimes you wake up and discover you just traveled 10 miles but you don’t remember it? Your mind was somewhere else yet your conscious mind took care of things like the other cars, your speed and staying in your lane. It was automatic while you were in a distant land inside your head. That’s what I love about motorcycling. It transports you to somewhere else. Yes, you are riding with all the normal things you need to do to stay alive yet once you get up to speed and start to play some of your favorite tunes you are transported to another world. It’s like flying a biplane. If I had the money I would own a Stearman or a Travelair and spend my days traveling all over the country, Canada, Mexico and South America. Perhaps one day… In the meantime it’s motorcycles for me.

Travelair Biplane
Travelair Biplane

Did you ever see that Christopher Reeve movie where he is a Stearman pilot flying mail back in the 30’s? His boss hires out a passenger for him to fly along with the mail. The future of aviation his boss tells him! I love that movie. The cars, the planes, the locations, the free spirits of Christopher Reeve and Rosanna Arquette. Especially Rosanna Arquette!! In this movie she plays a real wildcat. Not content with what her rich, old money father wants for her life, she wants to go her own way. I can relate. If you ever get a chance, watch this movie. I think if I was born around 1905 or 1910 this is how I would have ended up. A Stearman pilot alongside Pancho Barnes doing things my parents would never approve of but those things satisfy my soul like no other. What satisfies your soul? What really, really satisfies your soul? Deep down, deep, deep down. What is it? Can you put a finger on it? Is it something that others expect of you or is it something buried so deep in you that you have never told a single soul? Something yearning to get out. Something that drives you mad because it has not come true yet.

I used to ask folks what they would do in their life if their room and board was taken care of.  In other words, what would you spend your time doing if all your bills, rent and overhead was taken care of. I don’t remember a single one saying they would keep on doing what they were currently doing. They were trading their time for money doing some incredibly boring, soul sucking work. Very few people get to do what they love for a living. What is it you love to do? What is it you would do for 12 hours a day for the rest of your life? For free. What is it??? Think about it and think about how many years you have left on this rock.

Let me leave you with this quote. I think about it every day. Can you guess who said this?

    When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like, “If you live each day as if it were your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.”

    It made an impression on me… and since then, for the past 33 years I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today.”

    And whenever the answer has been, “no” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

    Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything: all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure… these things just fall away in the face of death… leaving only what is truly important.

    Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked; there is no reason not to follow your heart.

    (Later in the speech…)

    No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to Heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.

    Right now, the new is you, but someday not to long from now you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s quite true. Your time is limited; so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

 

 

 

Thw Aviator 1985
The Aviator 1985

 

The Aviator 1985
The Aviator 1985

 

 

Sara – Live 1980 Tucson

 

L

Somewhere In New Mexico

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

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This post was composed under the very magical influence of Sara by Stevie Nicks

 

 

What A Lucky Man You Are

Christmas time always makes me reflect on years and things past. Deeply reflect. I put on It’s A Wonderful Life and memories of some forgotten past part of my life seem to flood to the surface. It’s funny how at a certain part of your life 30 years ago you made a decision to turn left instead of right and from that point you see how your life ended up different. Sometimes I will ponder what might have happened if I had turned right instead. I think I must have the world’s best imagination because I personally would rather close my eyes and watch what is going on inside my head than watch any silly distraction in the exterior physical world. Inside my head it’s like some sort of 70mm Imax movie. Words really cannot do it justice. Anyhoos, my imagination gets going and I ponder what my life might be like now if I had gone down a different fork in the road.

Where would I be right now? Married in New York with a medical practice? An officer in the US Navy? A cattle farmer in Wyoming? CEO of an import business in San Francisco? Who knows? What I do know is a long time ago a vice-principal in my high school sat me down for an hour long talk. He could not figure out why I was skipping school so much. (I hated high school so much I cannot describe it, so incredibly, incredibly boring, I could not wait to get real world, hands on experience.)  He looked at my aptitude and IQ scores and told me why would anyone with a 142 IQ skip school? What could I say to him? He just could not understand. He told me my C averages told him another story. He said you will be running things one day, you will be employing the other students at the school. He told me one thing I will never forget and it turned out 100% true. A students make the grades, B students make the friends and C students make the money. Mr. Sharp, I will never forget you wherever you are now.

At 17 years old and one month I made a decision that I always ponder what might my life be like today if I had chosen the other road. I was not getting along with my parents at all. My mother especially. What I wanted was almost always the exact opposite of what they wanted for me. One weekend about one month before my 17th birthday my mother told me to pack my bags like I was going away on a weekend trip. She said the hospital was going to do some tests on me over the weekend. We get to the hospital and I knew something was up after 20 minutes. 2 big guys in white coats came to get me and they said they were there to escort me. Huh? Escort? WTF?? So I get on the elevator with them and they push the 11th floor. The elevator opens up and I am looking at some kind of glass enclosed entry way (basically a large glass cage) with a locked door at the end. The nurse on duty buzzed me and the 2 orderlies in. It was at that point I was starting to understand where I was and where my mother had me sent. Can you guess? Yah, it was a nut ward!

A psych unit in polite terms. They had old people there and young people too. I think the youngest was 11 years old. There was a huge community room there with couches and a tv. After getting assigned a room I came out and sat down in the community room. I was pissed!! My own parents locked me up in a nut ward?? And I knew it was like 90% my mother and maybe 10% my dad. I’m thinking “Oh? I am the nut case? Right!”  My mother was the one a few years back that had taken a butcher knife and threatened to kill my father in an intense fight, I will never get that out of my head but here I am locked up in a nut ward 1 month shy of my 17th birthday.

The nut ward I will go into later but suffice to say there were some real, real loonies at that place. I mean real, disturbed whack jobs. Long story short, the kids my age told me that no one gets out in less than 7 or 8 months. WHAT??? Well, they are going to see a new record set in early release if they keep their eye on me I told them. Ain’t no way I am going to be locked up here for 8 months. No way!!

BTW, my parents had me seeing a shrink for about 2 months before I got locked up. I’d go to his office once a week for about an hour and just talk with him about what’s going on. The shrink was cool, even admitted to me that he also smoked weed. Well, my shrink came to see me after a couple days inside the unit. He said he did not expect any 8 month program. He told me mainly it was for observation and not to worry. Well, after a month or so he could tell there was nothing wrong with me. I did not jump up on the TV like this other guy and yell out “I LOVE TO EAT DEAD BABIES”. I’m serious. Yup!

This place also conducted electro-shock “therapy” back when it was legal. Don’t know what EST is? Look it up on Google. It’s when they Frankenstein your brain with zillions of volts of electricity to “cure” you. Seriously! The guy I knew there before his “therapy” was never the same when he finished his “therapy”. He did not recognize me or remember my name. His brain was fried. And it was legal!!

electroshock therapy nightmare

 

After a month my shrink had a talk with me. He said all was ok with me. But he asked me dead seriously if I wanted to go back to my parents, especially to my mother. He told me that if I wanted to he could file emancipation papers for me with the state and then I could be set free on my own, be able to get a job, rent an apartment, do anything an adult could. He said to think about it and let him know when he returned.

So, here I am at 17 years and a couple weeks and I had the biggest decision in my life in front of me. Do I stay or do I go? What would you do? I thought long and hard about it. On one hand I wanted to, on the other I knew I had just one more year to stick out and I would be 18 and free. I chose to turn down the emancipation papers and return for one more year with my parents. Since then I have always wondered what my life would have turned out like if I had emancipated at 17 and moved out on my own. It’s hard to answer. I did move back in with my parents for one final year and had more and more fights with my mother. My dad, rest his soul, I believe did understand for the most part this burning freedom thing inside me. I learned later in life that he probably would have cut loose himself too but stayed together with my mother more or less for the sake of the family.

One year later after being released from the nut ward I did cut the cord and flew away. I remember my mother saying at the dinner table the night before I left not to worry to my brother and sisters, I would be back very soon. She was wrong, I never returned. I raised my wings and flew away to my future.

 

Emerson, Lake and Palmer – Lucky Man

 

L

Somewhere In Texas

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

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This post was composed under the magical influence of Lucky Man by Emerson, Lake and Palmer

 

 

How To Live Your Dreams

In my travels this year I have seen so many folks that are not living their dream. Or perhaps they are if you consider conflict, fighting, anger, confusion, consumerism, mind numbing entertainment, running on the hamster wheel, etc… to be living your dream.

No, the dream I am talking about is the one in the back of your mind. The one that no one knows about. Only you. The one you gave up on a long time ago and settled for what’s on the table.

I think this quote below says it all for myself.

I’m going to check out of this bourgeois motel, push myself from the dinner table and say, “No more Jell-o for me, ma!”

You have to get really fed up with the status quo. I mean really, really fed up. Enough that will cause you to break out of that daily momentum of mediocrity. You know, that routine where you just keep repeating the same stuff over and over and over again. You have to change. Most are not willing. Look around you. What do you see? Do you want to end up like that? If not, you better plan on changing something today. To change the future you must change what you do today, if you keep doing the same things you will keep getting the same things in the future.

How bad do you want to change? I mean is it a minor want like you want an ice tea? or is it a hunger? Does it drive you insane not having it? Is it an all consuming fire within you or is it a small wish easily acquired like a new shoestring?

I’m telling you right now most folks just do not have that fire, that spark, that all consuming passion. Or if they do they are hiding it pretty well.

When you want your dream as bad as you would want a breath of air while being held underwater then you will have it.

Most don’t have that all consuming, burning desire, instead they settle for the mouldy, scabby pigeon crumbs tossed their way.

I say no thanks.

Along my journey to my dreams I had a lot of doubts and low moments. There were several very low times I could have thrown in the towel and given up. Some of those low times were decades ago and some were in the last 5-10 years. I mean really low times. Really, really low. So low that a lot of other folks really throw in the towel for good and check out of this hotel forever. In those times I used to tell myself something I learned a long time ago from one of my early mentors. It was this.

“Six months from now you are going to be laughing about the current situation.”

And you know what? He was right. In all those really low situations I found myself in it always happened that six months later I would laugh about what happened six months back and how serious things seemed at the time.

Don’t believe anyone that tells you your dream is impossible. Better yet, keep your dream to yourself until it comes true. Even then, keep it to yourself. A piece of gold in your pocket does not increase in value if others know about it.

P.S. If somehow you are unsatisfied with your current life and feel you need more “things” to be happy I want you to look at one website and compare those at the site with how really fortunate you are if you live in a 1st world country. You really, REALLY have no idea how lucky you are to begin with and all the opportunity that surrounds you. Click on the KIVA link below and find out just how lucky you are and how perhaps you can help make a dream come true for someone else.

Click to the right — KIVA – Some dreams can come true for $300-$2000

 

 

L

Somewhere In Texas

“Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

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This post was composed under the magical influence of Lotta Love by Nicolette Larson

 

Unicorns Don’t Exist But I Keep Looking

If you wanted something really bad how long would you search for it? A month? A year? A lifetime?

See, I was told a long, long time ago unicorns don’t exist. In spite of all the people that told me they don’t exist I kept searching. The so called experts told me I was wasting my time. Those around me searched for other more common things. Things that could be found easily. With barely any effort. That’s not what I wanted.

I’m here to tell you that unicorns do exist but they do not grow on trees.

The rarest of the rare. To most a figment of a wild imagination. Or fairy tale.

Unicorn Dreams

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours … In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness.

I’ve heard the following expression my entire life. “PROVE IT!” From the ones that only believe in things that can be hit with a hammer. If a hammer cannot hit it then that’s proof it does not exist. I get tired of that real quick. I suppose that is why I have chosen to walk the path less traveled. I’m not that good around people that need proof. People that drink from the fountain of the many, I prefer the fountain of the few.

I wish I could tell you that your dream takes just a few weeks to appear. Perhaps. But that’s not the way it works most of the time.

You see, you were given a very special gift. It’s been with you your entire life yet you probably are not even aware of it.

If you had a magic box that could make anything happen instantly how would that be? For most on this backwards rock the results would be a disaster. People cannot control their thoughts. That is why things do not appear magically in seconds. But they do appear. In months, in years or decades. What you think about, what you concentrate on, what you dream about does appear sooner or later whether you like it or not. Everything you see in front of you right now was just a dream a few years, a few decades or a few centuries back. Everything, bar nothing.

What is your unicorn?

What is your unicorn?

 

L

Somewhere In Texas

Something is about to happen. Something very wonderful.”

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This post was composed under the magical influence of Sarah (Cleaning Lady Version) by Stevie Nicks